i learned a new word, or rather remembered an old one, the other day. gynophobia. it means 'the fear of women'. i always assumed that it had something to do with obgyn's, but i stand corrected. i don't know that i necessarily am afraid of women, but i suppose that up til recently i've held on to a certain nervousness (like when a non-parent holds an infant) around members of the double x variety.
while most girls were in junior high and learning to break eachother down, i was being home schooled and reading classic literature. which was all fine and well until high school, when my parents decided that i would be socially incapable of relating to other people if i didn't do some down and dirty developing with youngsters my own age right away. not cool, but all parents just do what they think is best.
needless to say that the years i spent in my own company did not prepare me for the cluster fuck of highschool drama. this oddity hindered me a great deal in finding friends of any gender, but most especially my own. and i'm not so sure that i'm any more capable of deciphering the private language of women than i was back then.
but last night while drinking an entire bottle of rum, steeping in 2 a.m. dew-air outside in the street, marble-mouthed gabbing with some really cool ladies... the thought occurred to me that maybe my experiences are catching me up, maybe i'm close to making up that gap between me and every other girl i've ever known, maybe i'm close to finding the rosetta stone, so to speak. it's nice to think about not worrying that somehow my fellow ovariennes can smell it on me, my inexperience and discomfort.
so, here's to celebrating the divine feminine and trying not to run away from being one.